Crappy Moments

What's with the title?
Well, I'm a bit on the emotional stage this days. Can't help it since I've been away for 6 months. I'm still a bum, unemployed, I'm getting fatter each day, I hate what happened to my hair, I miss my friends, and I don't know what's on the mind of every single person I'm with right now.. my life started to suck from the moment I stepped on this desert land called the "City Of Gold".
It's a curse I tell you. I tried everything I could like get a job but I guess some were just not right for me. I'm a tough one but there are days that I really break down and I don't know what to do and who to turn to. I know that God is there but there are more people who really needs his help.

Life is really gaining on me.
I'm getting older as the days go by.
People change but some don't.
Adjustments are needed.
Internet as your bestfriend.
Problems to absorb most days.
Change in my wallet.
Silent times.
It sucks!

Driving is the only thing that I do now and it's the only time that I guess that I can be me.
I'm thankful that I was given an opportunity to learn something that I should have learned a long time ago. At that time I'm able to socialize with different types of people, different personalities, different nationalities. Forget everything and be yourself.

I'm also thankful coz I was able to find old friends that I have not seen for over 10 years and yes, I'm starting to be happy!

Everything has it's reasons. No matter how much you complain, it's already on your book called "Life". Take it all and live it! In due time, everything will be at place.

Paranoia

Life..

I'm it's number 1 fan..

From my record of numerous heartaches and harsh experiences from life..

I had nothing but fake smiles, corny jokes and to die laughters..

That's all I can do.. Since, I don't want anybody worrying about me..

I just hid behind my smiles and laughters.. shed tears when no one is looking..

Stay in my room and sulk.. or just spend money on nonsense things..

I'm too emotional.. I've been down the dumps.. and it sucks when I think about it..

I never attempted suicide but I'ved hurt myself over the past..

Anway, it's all over..

I still keep myself motivated, no matter what happens..

Just have to face everything that comes into my life..

It's reality..

God gives you a situation and he watches over you..

He'll be saying,"I wonder what you'll be doing next?".

I just keep on saying to myself that it's a test..

And that I'm the only one who can solve it..

I rarely seek help but the truth is I need it..

I'm just too stubborn to realize it..

Damn life and the reality in it..

Cold Heart

My heart is the same as the weather here in my country. Cold.

Why, must you ask?

Simple.

It doesn't want to get hurt.

Nor to hurt any other heart.

It beats normally like others do.

It pumps blood throughout our body. Never ending until death.

The strongest muscle. But can also be the weakest.

It is weak. If you can't cry, it cries by itself. It feels heavy and you can't breathe.

Our brain is above the heart. Thus, if u think, it's not the heart that weakens but the brain.

But why does it hurt?

It's not our mind that feels uneasiness but our heart.

It has to be cold. My heart.

Need to breathe. Need not to feel. Need not to bleed.

If it melts, the ice that surrounds my heart.

It shall heal unconsciously.

But time would be the one to tell if when.